Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
