just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
