And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
