i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
