Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
