I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
