my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
