I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
