you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
