I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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