I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
