last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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