all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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