There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
