Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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