ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
