the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
