Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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