Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
