I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
