a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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