talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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