It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
