we're blogging at a bar
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Is it because I queefed?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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