My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
