What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
