She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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