i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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