It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His hands were made for my vagina.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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