Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
