i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize