eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
