Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
