apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
