She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
