It's like God shit irony all over that family
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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