you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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