I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
