It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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