She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
