I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
