this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
