when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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