Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
