none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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