We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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