I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
