Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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