belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
