i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think a kid would responsible me up
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Still dying that you shit outside
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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