actually, I'm a sock model
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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