Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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