Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
