Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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