God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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