man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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