you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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