I wanna bring you to show and tell
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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