i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
