And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
