Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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