My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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