WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
