she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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