did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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