We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
