I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
