Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think my mom watched the whole time
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
