____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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