Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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