I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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