My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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