the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
