Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
