i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
